Monument Valley to Las Vegas

Very early (at an absolutely ungodly hour) we arose for our tour of Monument Valley. Luckily we were the only two people on the tour, so we kinda got to run the show. It was freezing cold, but so worth it. We were driven around a number of the mesas before sunride, then our guide stopped and said, “follow that path along there and then stop and wait until the sun rises”. So we did. I felt like I was going to either cry or spontaneously combust. There are no words to adequately describe the magic of being in a dark valley and seeing the pinhead of gold on the horizon grow and grow by the second. Seeing the colours dramatically change in the rock faces, from a dull greyish brown to a brilliant red. I was so blessed to be able to share this experience with my husband. It is something I will never forget.

Before too long, we were back at the tour truck and meandering our way through the valley. We visited an old Navajo lady who showed us how rugs were traditionally weaved, we visited Ford Lookout which is famous for some cowboy being out on a horse on the rock. I dunno, if I was more into westerns I would have probably appreciated the value of this location more.

After a very sad goodbye to the valley and our tipi, we hit the road again. We headed to the south rim of the Grand Canyon and again were blown away by how picture perfect the vistas were. The rich colours were straight from a painting. It was absolute perfection.

We continued from the Grand Canyon into the city of sin – Las Vegas.

Our digs for the next three days were Hooters Casino Hotel. We stayed here because it was cheap. Very cheap indeed. The old adage, you get what you pay for, is true in many regards. The cost of staying at Hooters does not include any form of customer service. It does include pine. Lots of pine. Good, lacquered, 80’s pine. The kind that makes you think Hooters is still using
these rooms for the creation of retro themed porn movies. And there is palm tree printed bed runners and curtains. So much nostalgia!

We dropped our bags of laundry at a fluff and fold, got tarted up and roamed the streets of Vegas. First up, we hit old Vegas, Freemont Street. This was a bit like New Orleans. Hungover by day, drunk as fuck at night. So many bright lights. So many people walking around drinking. So many homeless people. We wanted to check out the Heart Attack burger place just off Freemont street after having seen it on a few food tv programs. I love a good food challenge and love good food. Unfortunately, this was not good food. When you first walk in the door you are taken to a room where you are fitted for a hospital gown. You are told you must keep this gown on the entire duration of your time at the grill. The menu does not really describe the food, as it does spruik how much fat is contained within each item. There are no diet drinks sold here, but a bonus is that if you are over 300 pounds, you can eat for free, whenever you would like. We ordered a single burger to share and some chili fries. I am not afraid to admit, the threat of a spanking by the miniature waitress dressed as a nurse had me kinda scared. Especially as we were sat right near where they ‘spank’ the naughty boys and girls who do not finish their food. It is no tap on the bot bot, the waitress takes a run up and whacks the wooden paddle against your buttocks with agonising force. We witnessed grown man after grown man line up all brave before their spankings, then cower away following the act.

I had been quite eager to visit the Heart Attack Grill. I am very glad I have been, but do not care for the food they prepare and serve, nor the overall mentality of gluttony and fatty foods for the sake of fatty foods.

After this, we returned to the relative safety of the strip and saw the Bellagio fountains fountaining, Paris lit up, New York New York at night and the golden lion at MGM. Walking on the strip, having beverages with your husband, priceless.